scawwy ✦ karlach cliffgate

[recession]

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[recession]

Just wanted to be sure.

[ He was generally hoping she'd already seen it so that's good. ]

...Hopefully it does.

[ Even if he doesn't know what it means -- he wants something to mean anything. ]

[ablazement]

[she reaches to squeeze his arm gently. she appreciates it a lot, because in the past people have left her out of things because they didn't think she was smart enough to handle them.

she keeps staring down at the note.]

I've been going back and forth on it. Seems like it's way too good to be true, even if there isn't a way back.

[recession]

...In the end, even if death is just another realm, it means little. People comfort themselves with the idea of an afterlife or a heaven all the time. Doesn't make it any less true that they died.

[ Continuing to just stare down at this spread of papers, his lack of anything concise, no direction. ]

And still in danger besides. Doesn't sound like it's much better than here.

[ablazement]

[yeah. it sounds a little like the city of judgement to her, in that it's near impossible to come back once you're there. she certainly hasn't got a scroll of true resurrection just laying around. and even besides that, he's right. they died.]

We're still stuck, and haven't really got any way to stop this. [she says, finally putting the note down.] But the Overseers want us to trust them.

I can't let myself believe this is just happening until we're all picked off. If there wasn't something we could do, we wouldn't be awake. I think I've got to think this is true, or I'm going to give up.

[recession]

...Fair enough.

And if you give up, the rest of us don't stand a chance.

[ablazement]

Yeah. So - I can't.

[even if it's hard.]

I've been holding it for a lot of people. Hope, I mean.

[recession]

Are you tired of it?

[ablazement]

[tilts her head back.]

Not like that. [that's too harsh, she thinks.] Not tired of it.

[recession]

No one would blame you, you know.

Who could?

[ablazement]

[silence for a moment, and then:]

Yeah, I know, but it's alright. [you're the light now.] If I can give any of you something to hang on to, that's what I want. Someone has to keep this place together.

[she leans forward in her chair, putting the note back down.]

You just said it, even - I've got to make sure you all have a chance.

[recession]

Noble, Karlach. Man always finds a way to the fire as long as it emits light. But you'll burn out like this, won't you?

[ablazement]

It's going to happen whether I like it or not. Getting hotter every day.

[she raps her knuckles against her chest, and there's that familiar thud.]

So I might as well make it count.

[recession]

It's inevitable, then.

But we always knew that, didn't we. Try all you might to deny it and scratch the walls.

[ablazement]

[she glances over at him.]

It's not inevitable for you. You've got to make it so you can open up your bar, Daan.

[recession]

So you say, but I'm only running to an inescapable conclusion.

...

I don't remember what I said to her, but she changed her mind. She said she would live.

[ablazement]

No. You're not.

[just casually says no to depression. she brings a knee up so she can hug it with both arms, chin resting on her knee.]

Who, Camille?

[recession]

[ He is not convinced but he also isn't so stubborn as to insist on his own doom. He just grunts a little, eyes forward, looking at the name he just crossed off the list. Theatre — Alfyn Greengrass, Camille Preaker, Erin Winters, Karma Akabane, Todomatsu Matsuno. ]

Yeah.

[ablazement]

[her tail wraps around the leg of his chair.]

I talked to the Overseers about her. [...] There wasn't any way to save her from the monster. She was going to have to hurt someone again tonight. It would've been cruel to leave her like that.

[that last sentence sounds like she's parroting something that someone else said. more honestly:]

She should've gotten to live. She was trying.

[recession]

Oh, I think we all knew that inside. I know I did. I know she did.

[ He absently crumples one of the sheets in his hand, mind wandering. Thinking of another journalist sitting on the lakeshore, distant eyes locked to a horizon he couldn't see, already lost to a place he couldn't reach. He'd just left, then. And then wondered here, with his extended time, whether he could have changed her mind. 'I'll hang on for you'.

It didn't matter. He stares into the seat opposite of him like there's something there. ]

Once it's got its claws in you, there's no way out.

[ablazement]

[she watches him for a long moment.]

All of this isn't going to be for nothing. [she says, finally. firm.] Look at me, soldier.

[firm, but not unkind. don't get lost.]

It isn't happening for a reason. That's horseshit. We're not being punished because we did anything, it's just a bad circumstance that's happening to us. Maybe that's worse, I don't know. But it's not going to be for nothing. And there's always a way out.

Spent ten years in the Hells only to hitch a ride out to the green grass and the blue sky. Hope's the way out. And like I said - I don't mind holding it for people, but you've got to take a little of it when I offer it.

[recession]

Oh, don't tell me it's happening for no reason, love. You'll make a worn man break with that sort of talk. Then again, he was already well on his way.

I'm happy for you, I really am. It suits you, all that colour -- compliments the red. I won't deny you either, but the best I can do for you is to be honest. I still believe there's a light here. It's just feeling less and less effective.

[ablazement]

It's not - I just mean it isn't because of something bad we did. I've always fucking hated it's happening for a reason. Makes it sound like it's our fault for bad shit happening to us.

[... she frowns, and it gets worse as he talks.

silence. then:]

The best thing you can do for me is stay with me. [she says, quietly, hugging her knee to her chest. maybe it's a little small, a little childish, but it worries her when he gets like this.] As best you can.

[recession]

It's nightmarish to live a life where bad things happen to you for no discernable reason. I'm the opposite -- it makes it feel like there isn't anyone else to blame but yourself.

...

[ He stares at the blank chair for a moment longer, before he tears his eye away and glances at her, then down to the tabletop. His voice is quiet and bare. ]

I've been trying, Karlach. If only to see the rest of you live.

[ablazement]

[she scoots a little closer, warmth radiating off her. there's a tiny wince as she does.]

I know you're trying. I see it. [...] I'm proud of you for it.

[she doesn't mean for it to come off as condescending - it's really, honestly genuine.]

[recession]

[ Why are you wincing. He has no response to the other thing so he just looks at that. ]

Are you injured again?