Yeah, I know, but it's alright. [you're the light now.] If I can give any of you something to hang on to, that's what I want. Someone has to keep this place together.
[she leans forward in her chair, putting the note back down.]
You just said it, even - I've got to make sure you all have a chance.
[ He is not convinced but he also isn't so stubborn as to insist on his own doom. He just grunts a little, eyes forward, looking at the name he just crossed off the list. Theatre — Alfyn Greengrass, Camille Preaker, Erin Winters, Karma Akabane, Todomatsu Matsuno. ]
I talked to the Overseers about her. [...] There wasn't any way to save her from the monster. She was going to have to hurt someone again tonight. It would've been cruel to leave her like that.
[that last sentence sounds like she's parroting something that someone else said. more honestly:]
Oh, I think we all knew that inside. I know I did. I know she did.
[ He absently crumples one of the sheets in his hand, mind wandering. Thinking of another journalist sitting on the lakeshore, distant eyes locked to a horizon he couldn't see, already lost to a place he couldn't reach. He'd just left, then. And then wondered here, with his extended time, whether he could have changed her mind. 'I'll hang on for you'.
It didn't matter. He stares into the seat opposite of him like there's something there. ]
Once it's got its claws in you, there's no way out.
All of this isn't going to be for nothing. [she says, finally. firm.] Look at me, soldier.
[firm, but not unkind. don't get lost.]
It isn't happening for a reason. That's horseshit. We're not being punished because we did anything, it's just a bad circumstance that's happening to us. Maybe that's worse, I don't know. But it's not going to be for nothing. And there's always a way out.
Spent ten years in the Hells only to hitch a ride out to the green grass and the blue sky. Hope's the way out. And like I said - I don't mind holding it for people, but you've got to take a little of it when I offer it.
Oh, don't tell me it's happening for no reason, love. You'll make a worn man break with that sort of talk. Then again, he was already well on his way.
I'm happy for you, I really am. It suits you, all that colour -- compliments the red. I won't deny you either, but the best I can do for you is to be honest. I still believe there's a light here. It's just feeling less and less effective.
It's not - I just mean it isn't because of something bad we did. I've always fucking hated it's happening for a reason. Makes it sound like it's our fault for bad shit happening to us.
[... she frowns, and it gets worse as he talks.
silence. then:]
The best thing you can do for me is stay with me. [she says, quietly, hugging her knee to her chest. maybe it's a little small, a little childish, but it worries her when he gets like this.] As best you can.
It's nightmarish to live a life where bad things happen to you for no discernable reason. I'm the opposite -- it makes it feel like there isn't anyone else to blame but yourself.
...
[ He stares at the blank chair for a moment longer, before he tears his eye away and glances at her, then down to the tabletop. His voice is quiet and bare. ]
I've been trying, Karlach. If only to see the rest of you live.
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[even if it's hard.]
I've been holding it for a lot of people. Hope, I mean.
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Not like that. [that's too harsh, she thinks.] Not tired of it.
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Who could?
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Yeah, I know, but it's alright. [you're the light now.] If I can give any of you something to hang on to, that's what I want. Someone has to keep this place together.
[she leans forward in her chair, putting the note back down.]
You just said it, even - I've got to make sure you all have a chance.
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[she raps her knuckles against her chest, and there's that familiar thud.]
So I might as well make it count.
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But we always knew that, didn't we. Try all you might to deny it and scratch the walls.
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It's not inevitable for you. You've got to make it so you can open up your bar, Daan.
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...
I don't remember what I said to her, but she changed her mind. She said she would live.
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[just casually says no to depression. she brings a knee up so she can hug it with both arms, chin resting on her knee.]
Who, Camille?
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Camille Preaker, Erin Winters, Karma Akabane,Todomatsu Matsuno. ]Yeah.
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I talked to the Overseers about her. [...] There wasn't any way to save her from the monster. She was going to have to hurt someone again tonight. It would've been cruel to leave her like that.
[that last sentence sounds like she's parroting something that someone else said. more honestly:]
She should've gotten to live. She was trying.
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[ He absently crumples one of the sheets in his hand, mind wandering. Thinking of another journalist sitting on the lakeshore, distant eyes locked to a horizon he couldn't see, already lost to a place he couldn't reach. He'd just left, then. And then wondered here, with his extended time, whether he could have changed her mind. 'I'll hang on for you'.
It didn't matter. He stares into the seat opposite of him like there's something there. ]
Once it's got its claws in you, there's no way out.
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All of this isn't going to be for nothing. [she says, finally. firm.] Look at me, soldier.
[firm, but not unkind. don't get lost.]
It isn't happening for a reason. That's horseshit. We're not being punished because we did anything, it's just a bad circumstance that's happening to us. Maybe that's worse, I don't know. But it's not going to be for nothing. And there's always a way out.
Spent ten years in the Hells only to hitch a ride out to the green grass and the blue sky. Hope's the way out. And like I said - I don't mind holding it for people, but you've got to take a little of it when I offer it.
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I'm happy for you, I really am. It suits you, all that colour -- compliments the red. I won't deny you either, but the best I can do for you is to be honest. I still believe there's a light here. It's just feeling less and less effective.
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[... she frowns, and it gets worse as he talks.
silence. then:]
The best thing you can do for me is stay with me. [she says, quietly, hugging her knee to her chest. maybe it's a little small, a little childish, but it worries her when he gets like this.] As best you can.
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...
[ He stares at the blank chair for a moment longer, before he tears his eye away and glances at her, then down to the tabletop. His voice is quiet and bare. ]
I've been trying, Karlach. If only to see the rest of you live.
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I know you're trying. I see it. [...] I'm proud of you for it.
[she doesn't mean for it to come off as condescending - it's really, honestly genuine.]
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Are you injured again?
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[immediately, frowning.]
Just hot. It'll - it'll pass.
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What happened this time?
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[she returns his gaze, expression weary.]
It's just getting worse over time. Doesn't matter what I do.
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Of course it is.
[ Just another problem to pile onto their problems. Yippee! ]
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a slow exhale, and then:]
Don't worry too much about it. I'm hanging on. Alright? I promised too many of you fuckers that I'd stick around, so I'm not going anywhere.
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