It's not - I just mean it isn't because of something bad we did. I've always fucking hated it's happening for a reason. Makes it sound like it's our fault for bad shit happening to us.
[... she frowns, and it gets worse as he talks.
silence. then:]
The best thing you can do for me is stay with me. [she says, quietly, hugging her knee to her chest. maybe it's a little small, a little childish, but it worries her when he gets like this.] As best you can.
It's nightmarish to live a life where bad things happen to you for no discernable reason. I'm the opposite -- it makes it feel like there isn't anyone else to blame but yourself.
...
[ He stares at the blank chair for a moment longer, before he tears his eye away and glances at her, then down to the tabletop. His voice is quiet and bare. ]
I've been trying, Karlach. If only to see the rest of you live.
For as much as your willpower counts against a bodily failure.
[ He rubs his temple. Well this is fucking despairland. He's only not saying that out loud out of courtesy to Karlach at this point, and because he doesn't want her to make it about him again. ]
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[... she frowns, and it gets worse as he talks.
silence. then:]
The best thing you can do for me is stay with me. [she says, quietly, hugging her knee to her chest. maybe it's a little small, a little childish, but it worries her when he gets like this.] As best you can.
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...
[ He stares at the blank chair for a moment longer, before he tears his eye away and glances at her, then down to the tabletop. His voice is quiet and bare. ]
I've been trying, Karlach. If only to see the rest of you live.
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I know you're trying. I see it. [...] I'm proud of you for it.
[she doesn't mean for it to come off as condescending - it's really, honestly genuine.]
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Are you injured again?
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[immediately, frowning.]
Just hot. It'll - it'll pass.
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What happened this time?
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[she returns his gaze, expression weary.]
It's just getting worse over time. Doesn't matter what I do.
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Of course it is.
[ Just another problem to pile onto their problems. Yippee! ]
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a slow exhale, and then:]
Don't worry too much about it. I'm hanging on. Alright? I promised too many of you fuckers that I'd stick around, so I'm not going anywhere.
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[ He rubs his temple. Well this is fucking despairland. He's only not saying that out loud out of courtesy to Karlach at this point, and because he doesn't want her to make it about him again. ]
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Counts a surprising amount, honestly.
[let!! her!! make it about him!!]
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You can say that all you want... but a dead body does nothing.
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Quit talking about me like I'm already gone. [she says, lightly.]
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[ Like she's already gone. Not really an incorrect read of his mind and psyche these days. ]
Don't die, then.
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[cursed to endgame...]
I can't promise. It'd be fucked up to promise you that and then break it. But I'm here, doing my best.
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Frankly, I think it will be fucked up either way it goes down.
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makes a face at him.]
Debate club was yesterday, Daan. [teasing!!] Do you want me to promise?
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[ She's right, promising makes it worse. ]
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You don't have to say anything back, so don't, if you don't want to. But I care about you. Out loud, on purpose.
[huff.]
Anyway. This note means we're not all lost yet.
[and she sounds much more sure this time.]
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[ Tomorrow... tomorrow . . . ]
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and then everybody got split up for curfew and it was awful don't be dead tomorrow]