... Yeah. Yeah, that'd be fucking awful for you in particular, wouldn't it. [just based on what she's heard him talk about.] It's... it scared me, a little.
And adding onto that that I do not know that I'd win against you normally let alone roided out...
...
[ ...He looks at her. And then he suddenly tenses, mouth setting in a pained line and fingers curling into fists. A nauseating dull pulse of fear and a misery grasps him and roots him there. ]
You remind me of someone I knew briefly in that city. Well... a little bit like a mix of two people, actually.
I don't know what happened to one of them, but the other, I watched -- we all got locked into some apartment complex right before. There was no way out of that claustrophobic place. I don't know how long I was in there before they found me and helped me out.
On our way to... figuring out how to escape, I saw him turn into a monster right in front of me. I don't know if I could've prevented it. I feel like maybe I could've, if I'd known.
[she meets his gaze when he turns it to her, expression soft.]
You've got to know I'm going to tell you that it wasn't your fault.
[she says, first.]
And it wouldn't be if it happened here either. It's so fucking far out of our control - gods, right now it's a little hopeless, yeah? It feels a little hopeless, but it isn't. I promise.
This is all last resort shit. It's me telling you that if it comes to that, I don't want you to agonize over it. Because I care about you doing well. In case you haven't noticed.
[ It wasn't, and he knows that. Really, he does. But he can't shake off the why. Why?
Why.
He and Marcoh weren't friends, not yet. Maybe they could've been if they had more than two days. Still doesn't lessen that traumatic impact of watching innocent, well-meaning men turn into monsters. Maybe it's worse the better he gets to know everyone, and waiting so agonisingly long in this place. ]
I know...
And I don't want it to come down to that, is really what it is.
Sitting around with this information feels suffocating...
I don't want to think about you becoming... something. So let's not.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I can agree with that much.
...
I guess... I just didn't want to be right.
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[exhaustedly.]
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[ Turning into goddamn monsters. ]
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... Yeah. Yeah, that'd be fucking awful for you in particular, wouldn't it. [just based on what she's heard him talk about.] It's... it scared me, a little.
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We're dealing with some pretty nasty stuff... the likes you'd be unlucky to see once, let alone twice.
...
[ He's. Clearly kind of at a loss of what to do or say. The only thing he CAN do is process it and accept that it's really happening like this. ]
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It isn't like I haven't seen the worst of the worst. I was in the Hells for ten years, Daan, it's not...
[she tilts her head back.]
I think what it is is... losing yourself. I don't want to be lost. Not like that.
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Nobody should have to experience something like that...
[ The age old conundrum, to die as yourself or not. He softly sucks in air and holds it, closing his eyes and then exhale. ]
You won't.
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[if he can say it, she can say it.]
But if it does, to me. I want you to catch me and put me out of my misery. Alright?
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[ The silence is heavy. The preventative is better than the cure -- why has he said this so much more than he thought he would?
He shifts uncomfortably where he sits. ]
You really shouldn't ask me to do that, Karlach...
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[she says, glancing at him.]
I just want you to know I wouldn't be angry.
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...
[ ...He looks at her. And then he suddenly tenses, mouth setting in a pained line and fingers curling into fists. A nauseating dull pulse of fear and a misery grasps him and roots him there. ]
You remind me of someone I knew briefly in that city. Well... a little bit like a mix of two people, actually.
I don't know what happened to one of them, but the other, I watched -- we all got locked into some apartment complex right before. There was no way out of that claustrophobic place. I don't know how long I was in there before they found me and helped me out.
On our way to... figuring out how to escape, I saw him turn into a monster right in front of me. I don't know if I could've prevented it. I feel like maybe I could've, if I'd known.
I still don't know.
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You've got to know I'm going to tell you that it wasn't your fault.
[she says, first.]
And it wouldn't be if it happened here either. It's so fucking far out of our control - gods, right now it's a little hopeless, yeah? It feels a little hopeless, but it isn't. I promise.
This is all last resort shit. It's me telling you that if it comes to that, I don't want you to agonize over it. Because I care about you doing well. In case you haven't noticed.
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Why.
He and Marcoh weren't friends, not yet. Maybe they could've been if they had more than two days. Still doesn't lessen that traumatic impact of watching innocent, well-meaning men turn into monsters. Maybe it's worse the better he gets to know everyone, and waiting so agonisingly long in this place. ]
I know...
And I don't want it to come down to that, is really what it is.
Sitting around with this information feels suffocating...
I don't want to think about you becoming... something. So let's not.
Alright?
You've still got two grown men to ferry around.
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[she agrees, quietly, and gently she presses her shoulder to his, solid, there.
Think I've got more than two of those. [it's a little bit of a joke.] It'll be alright. I know that sounds like empty words, but I mean it.
Don't lose hope. It's the most important thing any of us have got.
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You don't sound anything like them...
[ He's quiet for the second part. He'd never deny that hope is important, of course. ]
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I'm glad I don't. That's all I want, some days, is for people to know I mean what I say.
You're a pretty soothing presence, you know that? For me, anyway.
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But you're a pretty warm one yourself.
And I don't mean that as a joke.
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Thanks for the clarification. [...] And thanks for the compliment.
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I just need a moment to sit around and just... rest. From all of that.
...
Anything else I can help you with?